The Heart

Lulled to the sound of my beating heart,

I lie there

Listening to the sound of the muscle

That with every thump, proves I live.

With every throb that happens in my chest,

I see my Creator sustaining me,

Giving me another second of life

As each heartbeat passes.

How is it

That something I rarely think about

Something that I can’t see, and take for granted every day,

A tiny, little muscle—

Is so complex,

With my whole life depending on its activity?

For if this little muscle were to stop,

That would be the end of me.

And that will happen someday.

But today,

As each thump passes,

I thank my God for giving me life.

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I will endure

I don’t know when this storm will pass

But there’s one thing I know for sure:

That Christ my Lord will hold me fast

And in His hands I will endure.

Liberation

I feel the weight of this world upon my back,

It is too heavy for me to bear.

I look back on my early years,

Oh, those days when I was more free—

Curious about every little thing;

Learning about the world and how it works.

Oblivious to evil and immorality,

Not excessively burdened by stress, sin, or suffering.

That was me, back in the day—

Hardly a care in the world.

I didn’t know about murder and racism,

About poverty and dying people,

About spiritual warfare and the heaviness of sin

And all the hardships of life.

I was asleep, yet happy.

But why, when I reached adolescence,

Did the real world hit me so hard?

The knowledge of sin and suffering and evil came

And threatened to make me bitter,

Depressed, isolated, if I would allow it—

Causing me, in a panic, to build a fortress around my soul

So that nothing would hurt me.

I reached adulthood, it didn’t get easier.

The wall is still up, though I go through phases

Of tearing parts of it down, only to patch it up again

And I wish I could crumble it completely.

Where is the freedom I once had?

Where is my childhood innocence,

Not having a care in the world?

Why is the world such a scarier place?

Why did my life become so hard?

But, what if the loss of this so-called freedom,

This seeming innocence,

Was the means by which I would find another—

One new and more perfect?

Not a sort of “freedom” in which ignorance is bliss,

In which I am ignorant to the turmoil of this world,

But a difficult freedom, stripping me of happy oblivion

To open my eyes to the fact that I needed something more?

What if this seeming loss of freedom—

This introduction to pain and suffering—

Was indeed my liberation?

What if all the sleepless nights, the heavy battles,

The tears, the agony, the loneliness, the struggles—

Were the means by which I would at last be free?

What if Someone knew I needed Him,

And placed these hardships in my life so that I would find Him—

He, Who loves me with perfect love,

In Whom there is fullness of joy and fulfillment?

What if all the doubts and questions

Were what would cause me to dig deeper,

And to at last find what I am really looking for?

Because really, is oblivion freedom?

Is not knowing about sin freedom from it…

Or enslavement to it?

Is happiness actually happiness

If I am unaware of where I am headed?

…If I am hellbound?

And so I was, but didn’t know it.

So now I thank my God

For the loss of this jovial unconsciousness,

This falsely-happy sleep,

This intoxication of the mind,

And for using hardships and harsh realities

To tame my wandering soul

And bring me to Him, where I at last find freedom.

And although life is not easy,

And many battles will still be found

And many tears will still be shed

And many nights where I will lie awake…

This freedom that I have now—

Conscious of sin and darkness, yet, no longer a slave to it,

Aware of this world’s pain, yet bound for a new one,

Sorrowful, yet always rejoicing—

This is BETTER freedom.

Fling Wide These Doors

Notes surge; I feel my soul arise

As if carried by butterflies;

A thousand prayers to God my King—

“Oh, thanks for all You’ve done for me!”

I can’t contain this joy inside.

But sometimes, still, I tend to hide

Behind closed doors to dance this dance.

This secret heavenly romance

Must not be secret anymore.

I must fling wide this bolted door,

These walls that hide my praise, destroy;

And, though no singer, sing for joy.

 

Oh, Father, please, enable me

To not be shy, but set me free

To sing and dance and laugh aloud

And tell of all Your mercies, how

You’ve changed my life and given me

A new dance for these hands and feet

A new song in my mouth, to sing

The glories of You, LORD, my King,

And of all that You’ve done for me.

Unhindered, may I dance, freely.

Rainfall

A downpour roars outside my attic window.

The therapeutic patter of the rain

Both cleanses earth of dryness and pollution

And soothes my mind and heart of any pain.

 

I lean against the wall beneath this window

That overlooks much danger and dismay,

And close my eyes and listen to the rainfall—

And in that moment, everything’s okay.

 

©MaddieThePoet2017